WELCOME TO MY FIRST QUOTE-A-RAMA
I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. – Pablo Picasso
It’s a relief to know that there was never a moment in my life when everything was perfect. There is no idyllic past to reclaim, only freedoms and openness that the adult me had unfortunately learned to guard against.
Sure, as a kid, there were many times I felt carefree, and I cherish those moments: searching for rabbits in the woods, speaking with spirits in my room, traveling to space with Carl Sagan, running, twirling, rolling all over the place. Making things just because I could.
And, lucky for me, I know these states are available to me now, any time I like. They are available to you too, anytime.
Happiest states are easiest to access when doing something new.
Plunging ourselves into learning and being open to enjoy being in an unknown role with reflective eyes wide open and a heart ready to trust and love… that’s beginner’s mind. And sometimes it works out in a worldly sense too. If we put on our “I knew what I was doing all along” hats and act serious anyway.
I’m willing to admit, I just keep working and learning, and doing things. Seriousness is for the birds.
Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.
-Maya Angelou
Even though nostalgia is so sweet, we know going backwards isn’t possible. Let’s be real, if you are reading this: You know things.
And you can know new things too. If you choose courageously. This is beginner’s mind.
See, I also remember as small child, seeing bad things, and experiencing shock, confusion, and betrayals. Loss. Mean kids and frustration. Upsets and competition. The surprising selfishness of others. And sometimes even love and laughter. It was fun, and it was hard.
And back then I simply did not know how to fortress myself with beliefs and protocols to protect me from feeling the crap things. This is the gift of beginner’s mind.
So, most of us take these childhood experiences, and create thought systems to explain “why,” or “what to do next,” and carry on finding other ways to make ourselves happy. For me, it usually it involves making something, focus, or fun. Or making myself anew, but hiding inside this same old “Elizabeth suit.” Again, fun! Why not keep reinventing how we see ourselves? We don’t really change our core, but the costuming and behaviors, props and surroundings can feel pretty cool, for a while anyway. And it opens us up to other sides of life. New people.
I don’t think childhood is necessarily about innocence. I think it’s about courage.
When I’d get blindsided and crying for long, I’d turn to my parents or friends for explanation and comfort. I was lucky, they’d stay by my side and help me make a mental construct to stick that pain away. And that would get me past the tough time, in a flurry of ideas, fun and glory, ready to face another day. Still does.
Living well is the best revenge, said my mom.
Roles, goals, jobs, friends, families, societies, religions, trainings, and creature comforts – all are perfectly good to pursue, but they do not actually protect us from hurts and harms. Nothing can. We also can’t can happiness, make it grow, or ever insure our own.
We can only pursue it anew, each moment.
Sh!t Happens
– Forrest Gump
That’s our curriculum here on this planet: experience life. Yeah, even the stuff that comes at us from life’s hind quarters. It happens. And there is no avoiding it. In fact, it’s a gift you get to handle the tough stuff.
You can keep
your heart open
in hell.
– Ram Dass
And, you can also keep your heart open in heaven. It’s yours for the making.1
FOOTNOTES
- I’ll have to tell you sometime about an odd little wake-up I had about a year ago. I awoke to realize I was on the opposite side of life as I had always known it. Although things looked the same, I was completely different. The science fiction fan in me said, “you are living in a parallel universe.” The spirit in me said, “you’ve died and gone somewhere.” The next question was “where?”
Was it heaven or hell I had woken to? Was it purgatory? It kind of felt like Bill Murray’s Groundhog day, days on end, moments on end, over and over in my “regular life.”
Then I realized, I had died in every meaningful sense of the word, and it was my choice, each and every moment what I’d do with this new life. The marketing person inside me said, “I think I’ll call it heaven,” and do what I can to make it so. I’m still willing to open my heart even in this mad, mad, world, and trying some new stuff to make it so. Perhaps I’ll even keep you posted. After all, it’s a long, long road to hoe. ↩︎
