Backdrop: In 20+ years of my marketing business, I didn’t need to “do networking” because the right people found me at the right times, and my business (and my clients’) grew organically day after day, year after year. So I spent my working hours in coffee shops and at home, getting good digital design work done on time and on budget, which resulted in lots more referrals. No “dog and pony show” or flashy-jargon-splashing was needed to get more business. That is until…
Today, as my marketing business is moving into its next phase, I felt it was wise to try a formal, local networking meeting1. Also, I knew I was open to working with a few smart clients, and a trusted friend and fine creative colleague2 invited me. All good reasons to try something new.
Observations about networking via Q&A: how to do it.
Q: How should I show up?
A: On time and with openness to learn and give. IE, as yourself, looking clean and smelling good, but otherwise, clothing is not so important. Wear what you would wear to work.
Q: Really?
A: Networking meetings like the one I attended included folks from every socioeconomic class and type of business. There were blue collar workers mixed in with high finance fellows. So, wearing “a uniform” in this kind of environment means showing up as you do in your business. You looking like you do at work is congruent, and congruence rules (in my book anyway, unless you prefer endless dog-and-pony shows).
It also means being willing to reveal a tiny bit of who you are – this could be mentioning favorite sports team, your love for your family and community, personal mission or hobbies, or telling a story about what just happened to you.
Didn’t I say beginner’s mind?
What’s the format?
This particular meeting was run on an effective, well-known format, and I can see why it is so successful. First, there is open, milling-around-style time where people say hello, chit chat with each other, and get themselves coffee. Next, someone announces it is time to sit down in a big square of tables, and there is a formal set of introductions of key people (president, vp, social chair, time keeper, award winner, etc.).
At this point the very clear purpose of the meeting was stated: in this case, for members to “close on $XX of member referral business” within a stated period of time. Giving referrals is what it’s all about. Which jives with what I know works energetically: the best work gives value, wealth, solutions, creativity, referrals, strategy, support, consistency, ideas, etc. The receiving back of similar ‘biz stuffs’ can be understood as a natural byproduct of giving.
Lightning Round: then there was a timed, 55-second introduction round where each person gets to introduce themselves, report on recent business trends/challenges/solutions and describe what they do, really fast. After this, there is a period of time where two longer presentations happen – 8 minutes each, where a member can delve into their business and lives and how they are providing things people need.
Accountability Time: then there was another go-around where each member took a brief moment to share what they did toward fulfilling the group’s mission: giving referrals, sharing thank yous for referrals received, and mention meetings they had with other members. Also this was a time where people give acknowledgement to one another: highlighting wins and kudos of other folks in the room.
Then the meeting was adjourned, and a little more informal discussion happens as things got put away: cards and digital cards are exchanged, agreements are made for future communications, and similar.
My Big Takeaways
Clarity is cool: stating the business purpose plainly and clearly each meeting takes all the coy discussion out of the talks. Everyone is presumably there for connecting to more business, so you don’t have to couch a “pitch” inside a discussion that’s mixed with personal interaction.
And still… people are EVERYTHING. Vibes, wit, kindness, respect for others’ time, seeing needs, and your unique ability/style of giving will set you apart. Your defining qualities dictate who you’ll actually do business with. That is, if they need what you offer and vice versa.
Clarity as gateway: funny, when the professional agendas are laser-sharp, then all that’s left is to see the people in their humanity – as separate, gifted individuals. From there, it’s easy to hear how folks support people in their professional realm, and see if you can help them do more of that. It’s also great to hear other people’s stories about what’s going on on the greater community.
Time, Time, Time: this meeting ran like clockwork, with a bell to stop people from talking too long. Presumably, everyone is super busy with their jobs and don’t want to luxuriate in long form conversation. Making referrals is the name of the game, and sharing networks with other folks in the room. Doing this in a speedy, defined format is helpful for everyone. And wildly efficient to boot.
A man’s world? Yes, and no. I’m going to say this, and it is not a criticism, just observation. This particular meeting featured men to women at a ratio of about 3 to 1. Everyone at this particular day’s meeting was white, and most were middle-aged, myself included.
What I took away from this, was not that networking was inherently sexist or racist, but that this overt ask-for-what-you-want form of community building has been well-practiced by men. This style of connecting has been getting commerce done for generations, and probably not even understood by most men as “a thing.”
Power and plain talk: in a philosophical sense we know, when you are direct in your asking, you get more of what you seek. So “the thing” within a group like this is focused around the plain ask without a need to mask or make coy, or use coded communication – all of which waste energy. It’s also about being willing to show up without pretense and speak for yourself. And this means revealing a little bit of yourself too, or maybe just trusting that you belong there too. You do!
What makes biz happen
In business networking whether you ultimately work together appears based on affinity and agreement. In this way, it is different than naturally occurring women’s and minority networks, where affinity and quieter, focused, info sharing are most greatly valued.
This may be because minority members in any group may be historically accustomed to laying back, observing, and/or putting on a certain masks to participate safely. Majority members don’t spend that energy at all, so they have more available to them to handle the substance of the business matters.
Still, I don’t see any exclusionary stuff here. In fact, my guess is, the more you show up and do “the thing you do” the more you’ll be a breath of fresh air, and more likely to also be hired.
Marketing “gets” this: the play between “presentation” and “substance” that is at the core of marketing after all: crafting a publicly-displayed apex that showcases substance within a compelling presentation, and making sure it lands well with your audience and corporate brand-book. Presentation is important, but never more than the thing itself.3
Haven’t been?
What I suggest to anyone considering going to one of these groups, is to be courageous enough to participate honestly and congruently regardless of how you think you personally fit in. IE, try to go and do the steps as laid out with no more or less presentation as you’d do while meeting with your favorite customer. You are there to get the job done, so share some referrals, reflect your talents honestly, and notice the result.
I sensed the space was inherently safe and welcoming, because the energy swirled around people earning income to support their families and their happiness. And this means, if you can come in support of this – and plainly ask for what you need as well – you’ll be a perfect fit.
This last part is my DEI reflection on networking (because I’m independent and can say what I like – yay me!): understand who is around you, be welcoming, be congruent, expect congruence, ask for plain talk4, make it clear what you’d like to do together, and be patient as your natural network grows.
And courage to do new things and watch results… that’s a personal excellence game.
FOOTNOTES
- BNI® ↩︎
- Seth Jacobson does outstanding photography of many kinds including: editorial, corporate, portrait, special events, and gorgeous landscapes. He sees things and seems to bring out the best in his subjects – I know he makes me actually look good in photos! Highly recommended and sought out across the country for photo shoots. ↩︎
- A good marketing person will get to know what your business (and you) are uniquely good at, and make your marketing tap that strain of energy, both in terms of where you are today, and where you want to be in, say 3 years. ↩︎
- DEI Word to the wise: plain talk is always respectful and kind. Bantering is not suggested unless you know the other person, personally really well. Banter, jousting, and cultural snarky humor can misfire if you are not in an equal power dynamic with your conversational partner: historically or practically (IE you are a boss or in a majority group and they are not).
So be real, and realize not everyone has the same style. It’s really easy.
TIP: when in doubt how to speak best with someone new, ask! Asking someone how they best like to have conversation, or be supported/guided in their work will get you everywhere. Even if you botch after that, it’s okay. The fact that you asked and listened, means so much, and will be remembered. ↩︎
