I used to think of spiritual awakening as a good thing: a sign that someone had accumulated enough spiritual merit to deserve to see behind the veil, and that this would feel/be good. Yeah, No. Speaking from experience – awakenings can be rude.

After a recent crisis, and faking and clawing my way through emotional hell to return to my reasonably content everyday-people-kind-of-life, I learned awakening is the first step in a spiritual journey, not the destination. And although an awakened state is 100% “true” to the experiencer (meaning nothing is more real to any person other than their perception), it is a difficult place to explain. If you are one of the 41%^† of people who’ve had an experience like this, but don’t know how to talk about it, I hope you don’t feel alone. You’re not.

Stranger Things Have Happened: The Upside Down of Spiritual Awakening

If you’ve ever seen the show Stranger Things, you know that the characters go in and out of a place called the “Upside Down.” This is a great metaphor and fairly close to this experience of unconscious/archetypal realms. It’s also a place where people you love can go, and you kind of want them to get out of there intact (like Will). But you can’t do it for them, they have to pull themselves clear, level up, and integrate their unique dark side to make it. Your job is to love them and not freak out.

Let me also weave in, a common vernacular for the Upside Down is often “depression” or “spiritual crisis,” or even “mid-life crisis,” but these terms have been so overused, I think people are missing the blunt power of these experiences. This emotional awakening is something most of us avoid, unless you are determined to do “good,” then sometimes you must go deep to fight mindfully. The problem is, we are typically thrown there when we least expect it, by stress, mental health crises, grief, denial + fighting spirit³, intense spiritual practice, or addiction.

What the f are you talking about: Fighting Spirit?!

Below is a summary of my personal Upside Down. I felt like one day, I woke up in a parallel universe, where I was fighting for good v. evil in every mundane interaction. The kicker is, to everyone else, I looked the same, but I interacted with them differently. (No one liked it). It felt like every conversation, every action I took, was part of a grand battle of good v evil. Now I see everyone else was just trying to order coffee and had no idea why I was being so weird.

Maybe someone in this state comes across as a little paranoid, like they’ve lost their sense of humor. If someone is a stoic and a great actor they can maybe pull off a ‘double life’ and do both at once: win in metaphysical realms and be accomplished in the Everyday World, but it takes major skills, and those who know can see right through your act too. So, what do you do?

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how one might experience an awakened state

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The Upside Down could also be clinically described through the lens of mania (though it is not happy, it does feel like you have a surge of super-human energy that can beget odd “topside” behavior unless you stay glued down to your personal history and take care of yourself… and sleep). It could also be described as being like a hallucinogenic/acid trip, or cathartic release, or ‘come to Jesus’ moment, etc.

While I was going through this space, I felt great empathy for every spiritual seeker who had a dark night of the soul. I also felt like I was standing on the psychic shoulders (or holding the hand) of spiritual giants who’d come before me. I thought often of Jesus, Mary, Buddha, Ram Dass, Pomnyun Sunim, J. Kenney Abrams, my Ancestors, and other teachers who seemed to have knowledge of this experience. I did not feel separate, better or worse off then them, just guided by good words. They fed me. I hope to feed good words to others who need hope too.

During that time, I also experienced being psychically connected to folks that had victimized me early in life ^(post) and struggled with forgiveness. I knew I had no choice but to go “through” this difficult experience, and kept choosing “good” even though it seemed futile. I wanted to be a dog, for real: “man’s best friend.” But in the world of the Upside Down, you can only be yourself (and I’m not a dog -lol). I also chose to keep my body alive, which I didn’t feel was critical for me to keep either.⁴

During this time, I also felt that I was no better, nor worse than anyone and that Good & Evil had no meaning either, because Good & Evil had historically been codified as such only because they directly relate to preservation of life over death.⁵ There were only tendencies, and expressions of tendencies, and traits in various forms that seemed different (but were really one). It was kind of like the universe was practicing knowing itself in a million tandem guises. To some extent, this infinite guises idea was comforting, as was thinking about God. It also felt like there were infinite accelerating and expanding universes, but I need to write that up separately — so much there. Literally.

So, what do you do when you are home again?

Now that I’m (hopefully) coherent and no longer traipsing through life like a terrified deer in the headlights, or fighting like a Ninja with ADHD, I’m asking myself what I’m supposed to DO with this knowledge. Because up here, in everyday life, I still feel very strongly that good = kindness, freedom, truth, and love, and that evil= selfishness, exploitation, abuse of power and lies. I also feel it’s important to be impeccable in EVERY realm, even if they seem at odds with one another.

At the end of the day, I will vote for what I want in my physical world, and keep fighting like hell down below. We don’t need any Upside Down greedmongers running things Topside, and, after all, LiberalsLastLonger.com

Seriously, VOTE for democracy, which in this case, means voting for Joe Biden.

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¹ A burning question that precipitated a plunge into this darker realm was “what is the emotional experience of a frothy Trumper and how can I actually understand (and hopefully influence) them?”
^† Science Direct Article defining STE’s with Gallup poll results here. Two supportive pieces I discovered in Psychology Today after writing this are here and here.
³ Personal note: I found my way into a more integrated space when I finally accepted my fighting spirit, and excessive wordsmithery. I have always wanted to be a “lover not a fighter,” but sometimes you just have to accept who you are to survive. I like to fight, and I write.
‡ I had so many insights about physics, quantum mechanics, mass & energy and other topics, but am not a scientist, so will keep it simple so I don’t sound like a complete ass.
⁴ I wanted a linear experience of life (not a cyclical one), and so death felt welcome, like it would give me a rest. Yet I also remembered that my dying would cause hurt to those who need me. Because of this, I was not a suicide risk. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please reach out to The Suicide Prevention Hotline by dialing 988 or call someone wise who loves you. Right now. ❤️
⁵ Elaborating on this with examples from common morality, could be a whole new post, and hopefully will be soon enough.

P.S. Hey, besides voting, PLEASE get a non-voter to register too. Hey, Thanks!