There’s been so much discontent between us, eldest kid. Maybe this is from me trying to shield you from mistakes, preventing you from falling on your face, and stopping your unique and special flow of grace?

Today is Independence Day, and on this topic of freedom, I’ve been praying. Not for our country so much (though it clearly needs it), but wanting liberation from old, useless thinking. Freedom from clinging thoughts that could — and should —  go up in flames like that giant evening bonfire.

And then, this little answer came to me today, fleeting but real:  maybe it’s best that you make ALL the same mistakes I made.

My hovering, protecting, and most cloying bossing is born of a fear most parents share: please don’t make the same mistakes I did. But maybe if we can turn this idea on its tail, we’ll both enjoy the stories that come from everything you can teach me…and we can laugh together along the way.

So here are a few errors I hope you have the freedom to make too.

Mistake: Listening to your desires most, and lessons from the ‘real world’ begrudgingly. Without this you’ll never know yourself authentically.

Mistake: Ignoring advice of your elders, sticking to youthful idealism instead. Without the words of experts clouding your mind, you can explore a life lived on principle, and maybe just maybe, move the world by the golden ideas ablaze within you.

Mistake: Associating with everyone, even the lowest people, the criminals, the mean-spirited and stupid. For without allowing everyone into your world, you misunderstand what it means to grow, and may judge others based on your own privilege, while cutting your capacity for compassion and awe.

Mistake: Being lazy and daydreaming instead of doing useful things. Without lazy days, you may never have the ‘Eureka!’ that can save something that matters to you, or get the inspiration to make the art that enlivens thousands of hearts and minds.

Mistake: Courting danger, even physically sometimes. Without the exhilaration of a full sensory rush, made on your own volition, you will never know the beauty of quietness, or the euphoria of complete pleasure or joy. These gifts only come to those who let themselves feel. I hope you learn how you can control your feelings… and your fate, while you taste every last bitter and sweet of being human here.

Mistake: Being selfish. Years of being helpful and pleasing others can make a great person lose track of their mission. It can feel great to fill a gap for someone else, but you can’t push the last of yourself into someone else’s gaping hole and expect for good things to happen for both of you. It won’t.

Mistake: Trying hard to be liked. Without the superficial desire for hearts, likes, thumbs up and smiles from your peers, you may never pay attention to the subtle clues that teach us how to actually achieve Life Aim #2: “don’t be an asshole.”

Mistake: Talking more than you listen. If you are a creative being, sometimes this is your fate. You will only know if you dare to express what is real for you, but please don’t forget Life Aim #2

 

I love you. please keep me posted how it all goes,
Mom