On occasion (okay, daily), I try to find meaning online. That is, I know there is something I seek, but am unclear as to what it is. So I scroll, and look and check my favorite sites. I get caught up and waste time on social media, and find a bit of solace in my dopamine drip provided by my phone.

But today, I just can’t keep consuming. I know that I’m far away from myself, that I will not come back unless I make myself do something other than read other people’s words and stories. So, I am forcing this rambling, but honest assessment of how lost I’ve become.

I know I can’t get what I really want online. How could I? It is literally made of binary code– zeroes and ones– arranged into complex patterns mimicking reality. But it is not. These are only words and pictures that can point to the soul. Maybe some intention can be gleaned. That helps, but it is not the magic that is real life. The immensely mysterious, organic and tangible stuff of the body in nature, the soul in the night dreamer.

So off I go. To live.