When I witnessed a rational, loving human unfriend nearly half of her Facebook people for no apparent reason, and a another freak out enough to call me when I unfriended her on Facebook, I started to wonder if people feel this realm1 really matters?
Like, love, follower, and following are all powerful terms in the world of human emotion and relationships. We can trace movements in history to individuals in positions of power having sensations, feelings and emotions.
Think Henry VIII for a particularly overt example: his whims shifted the power structure of entire nations and churches, not to mention lopping the heads off some pretty, brilliant women.2
Deep bonds form around affinities of the heart (liking and loving), and entire religions and societies have been born around the feelings and concepts of following.
Why, we can guess, and the ones who broker that data well wind up very, very wealthy. Just look at the tech bro class including folks like Zuckerberg, Musk and Bezos, not to mention the quieter data brokers who help candidates count and rally masses.
In my lived experience:
People who spend time together like each other, or don’t.
And people like any discrete bit of digital content, or don’t.
And following is done by all of us, of each other.
And, our following/follower relationships can even flicker back and forth in any given moment, because, you know, psychology.3
That’s real community, and it involves communion (in person), and also borrowing from each other: courage from this person, intellect from that, creativity from that one, entrepreneurship from here, ethics from there…
Perhaps social media has trained us to think this medium is a direct mirror of our hearts? I don’t think it can be, this kind of data (even though copious and making folks like Zuckerberg, Altman, Bezos, Theil, and Musk extraordinary wealthy), is just not rich enough to track drive, emotion, intention, deep affinity, and the unknown mysteries of life.
It is also limited in its ability to track what people hide when they refuse to admit things even to themselves: like their inner nature.
And, the platform choices themselves appear to born of a desire to codify human connection, not help people to feel connection. Big difference. There are people who feel life, and people who intellectualize life. And people who measure life. And some who do all three.
I experience my heart as unfathomable. And my psyche, self, and for that matter, subconscious too. And like most people, there are times when two opposing things feel true at the same time. And, I can feel love for a person in a spiritual sense, but not like them per se. How about you?
So, reason tells me, no binary-made code with what, 7 emotional options and a handful of “relationship statuses” can possibly reveal the complexity of human networks and communities.
And yet, folks seem to still keep trying to grok it, and they are getting really, really rich trading community data. I find this problematic.
I work on the web, and that’s work4. And I’ve worked on the web for people.
For instance, I know I have multiple identities on social media and use them for different things: an art showcase on Instagram, some writing on Substack, a more local-community-minded profile on Facebook. It’s like a broadcast for people who care about my kids, my family, and personal, mundane activities. But like many, I don’t post when my heart is broken, or I’m having a “meh” day.
I curate everything I put out. We all do.
And in all locations there are those who follow, like and/or don’t. They follow, presumably, the content, not me, because that is a pile of crafted content, not a person. What appears on the web cannot be, by nature of the medium be not even a fraction of anyone’s self5.
So when a real person does the opposite on a digital platform that they do in real life, I kind of wonder what’s up. Don’t you?
My cousin perhaps summed up her understanding of this social world by way of coaching me how it’s done says, “you are supposed to just “unfollow” someone, but not “unlike” them.” Presumably so you don’t have to see their crap, but saving them from feeling bad that you cut ties.
But if they call you to tell you their truth, isn’t that kind of like being a good friend? I like that.
Does what goes on here in digital wonderland called the Internet really matter that much? How many of you have parsed the language and terms like like, follow, friend, etc.? What are your rules of engagement? Are they tracked by entities like META, or in your heart and soul?
Hoping you have some time with real friends today.
FOOTNOTES & SUB-SUBTEXT 😉
Not sure if this particular term qualifies as a Term of Endearment, but worth a post.
- Realm being the Internet in general and social platforms specifically. ↩︎
- One incredible woman, Anne Boleyn‘s daughter wound up ushering in the Age of Enlightenment. ↩︎
- Specifically, Jungian Psychology. ↩︎
- If you’d like to work for me in this regard, using my intellect or knowledge in this realm, you must broker a deal with me that involves money. Work in this realm is born of hard work, and I’ve been in it for over 25 years as a maker, strategist and community partner. ↩︎
- And yes, I know Artificial General Intelligence (AGI) is attempting to get there and will “kind of” mimic vast and complicated networks of information and connection, but remember, the medium matters. ↩︎
