I’ve got to admit, I’ve been feeling a little sorry for myself. I feel like I work really hard taking care of a thousand things, and yet, I can’t seem to make my home, yard, family and parenting the way I want it. I have house envy. I have family envy. I want elegant details to gaze at. Refined moldings, shiny floors, grass and flowers. I want gracefully aging parents who toss us a few hundred dollars once in a while, or take us out to dinner. I want to feel like I’m helping my kids grow into fine people. And I want to go on vacation. Far Away. (With them).

I also find myself threatening to send my kids to their rooms when they whine. Couldn’t I instead listen to their problems, gently coaxing them to greater understanding and happiness?

I find myself upset at the poverty rampant in my family. I find myself jealous of others wearing fancy Christmas dresses and entertaining their beautiful, wealthy families like Martha Stewart or something. And then angry at myself for such an ugly, useless feeling.

Then, I decide to ask myself some new questions. Inspired by a blurb about “Tribe of Mentors” by Tim Ferriss, I ask myself first, which of these things do I really want? Not which of these things do I think I should have… (Big difference, BTW).

I find at the core, there are only 3 desires that are truly “mine” right now:

• Travel
• Gentle listening
• Elegant details

See, Travel means I become a better mother. I love to travel, am great with details and organizing trips, and even better at being in the moment when on the trip. In the moment = better mother = happier person. And I want for my kids to become global citizens, to experience lots of people and places and know themselves uniquely within the bigger pool of humanity. I want for them to “get it,” and to be deeply understanding, open and compassionate. Travel feels like one of the best ways to do this. Plus, it’s fun.

Gentle listening is something I need to develop. This ‘developing,’ this self-control, is a part of feeling good about myself. To become a listener could be a wonderful gift to everyone around me, especially my husband and kids. Being a listener = being a better person = being a happier person. This may be hard, but I think it is one of the most loving things I can do for everyone around me. I think my kids and husband will feel more loved and supported too.

Elegant details means making little “vignettes” about my house and yard that are attractive to me. Things I can gaze upon and feel proud, inspired or even just content. In order to get these details, I must make them. Working smart and making aesthetic decisions that genuinely please me are what matter. Putting a bouquet in Darth Vadar’s hand, lighting up some sticks in a corner, adding a tiny piece of art to the outside… These things all count. Building a retaining wall, refinishing floors, cleaning a room, this counts too. Handing the visuals = happier resting moments = the feeling of a job well done.

No matter what, these 3 goodies all take effort. Cheer well-earned. Time to get to work. Merry New Year. Become what you most want to be.