Dualistic Mindsets in Myers Briggs and other such things
I have a judgy mind. And if you’ve done a Myers-Briggs test and landed squarely with a “J” in your profile (I have)1, you may have one too.
What does this J (for Judgement) mean, though? Does it mean you judge other people as good or bad? Or does it mean your mindset functions around the ideas of “this not that” with high-contrast options?
As a J, I can say, I have a very strong, rooted sense of “the thing to do vs. what not to do” in most situations. But since this is inwardly-derived knowledge, it came about via my own experiences, spiritual upbringing, and core values. So my judgements around ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ are not universal, they are an amalgam of internal and external influences that could be described more like a personal dogma. And, this set of judgements has worked pretty well… but not perfectly.
A Judging trait belies a duality mindset, which thrives on contrast.
For most J’s, most of the time, there is a clear right and wrong, a bold black and white, with little grey area to consider. For this kind of person seeking “grey” is an intellectual pursuit, but nowhere near as powerful as an innate sighting of what’s right action and subsequent movement toward it.
And if J’s do something out-of-step with their own moral compass, they can suffer painful internal reckonings, because if one choice is right, the other can feel deadly wrong.
Also if a J’s thinking is unexamined they may overtly or inadvertently nudge others to what they see as the best course of action. While this can be appreciated in a called upon coach/mentor, it can feel overbearing or unforgiving in other social contexts.
I find most J communicators create contrasting choices for themselves (and occasionally, judgements on others) because their skill set enables them to sweep the sandy, swirling zen garden of life into piles A and B, then name one “good” and the other “bad.”
The Opposite is P for Perceiving.
In Myers-Briggs land, other folks seem to revel in all the shades of grey, a swirl of equally correct possibilities, and get along just fine. Some of these folks can read the tea-leaves, read people, check through ideas for accuracy and outcomes, and watch for proper timing before taking action. They enjoy the process… because in the process the proper direction reveals itself. It’s more like following The Tao2, vs. hanging in a world that harbors a harsh retribution model like the Old Testament.
Even though Perceiving folks aren’t usually in need of a duality like “right v. wrong,” they aren’t running around like moral assh*les either. Perceivers, like most folks, typically and instinctively abide by Golden Rule style behaviors. Thank goodness! They also appear more relaxed and easy-going about life. Or at least it seems to be this way to me, but the grass is often greener, and I’d love to have some more relaxation…
Are you a collector or a renunciate?
A distinction for contrast junkies
These days, I’m personally grappling with an internal conflict between “collecting” (focus on gaining more contacts, money, friends, people, attention, awards, experiences, knowledge, etc.,) and “renouncing” in life (focus on giving away things like gifts, money, people, attention, contacts, art, and knowledge).
While theoretically, I appreciate both styles of living, my default MO is to give it all away… but this makes it hard to live comfortably with occasional vacations, and to pay my bills, which I prefer as a lifestyle for sure.
I remember the time a friend of mine told me how she has the local house of representatives in her contacts “in case I ever need it.” As someone who is disinclined to collect people in any way, I found this horribly distasteful, and judged her boast of a collection of contacts as greedy pretension, and thought “why the f would I ever need that?”
Oh my, worlds collide: when did I become such a Judgy Renunciate?
Renunciation is a religious term typically referring to those who give up comforts in order to experience truth or enlightenment, but it definitely has a secular set of adherents too. I know, I’ve grown up in a family of them.
Everyday renunciates don’t chase “success” in a typical American collector/consumer fashion, which means they don’t chase material wealth, possessions, or even relationships. They also don’t chase gaining followers or contacts, influence or credentials, nor attempt to ‘network’ or ‘build community’ because it feels “grabby.” Renunciates instead lean into contributing, giving away, and service…
These two contrasting styles are embodied in these two contrasting quotes: “The one who dies with the most toys wins” vs “Leave it all on the stage.”
I’m still seeking a middle way here that’s less a strobe-ing flicker between opposites, and more a win-win-win where no one is depleted. I’ll let you know if I find it.
No matter how much I try not to, I still favor the renunciate path. But I’m questioning this approach as I’ve renounced a few too many good things, and honestly, I love beauty, making things (which means having material stuffs around), and bodily and psychological comforts. Oh yeah, and I love people too. Darn it. People can be kind of tough at times.
MYTH BREAK: Cassandra saw the future with stark clarity, but this sight was a terrible burden for her. So, here’s her myth to read later if you like.
“Giving is better than receiving” is a belief that may underlie a renunciate’s path. And many of us have learned “it’s harder for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven as it is for a camel to go through the eye of a needle,” another spiritual caution against collecting.
Having been raised by a rebellious renunciate mother, who got rid of stuff as fast as it came in because of the foreboding “what you own, owns you;” freedom was heralded as holier than being saddled with a collection of anything, including friends, money, or opportunities. She dropped groups, friends, furniture, property, and opportunities as fast as anyone I’ve ever seen. I’d often come home to find half of the food cleared from the shelves, because she’d given up “processed ingredients,” or hear a story how another friend was “dropped” because of an action or value that didn’t sit right by her.
One long time friend she dropped because she gave her kids the cheap peanut butter… yeah, really.
My mom’s fierceness in tossing stuff was something to behold. In later years, she sold or gave away nearly all of worldly possessions, including furniture – preferring again threadbare clothes kept in plastic Rubbermaid drawers that didn’t count as future waste, because they’d quickly be scoffed up at any curb they’d be left on.
I can imagine each maneuver into an alms-based life made her feel better and better… except maybe it didn’t? The stress of relying on others to help fill you up with energy and comfort and feed you is tough. You have to really, really, really trust in some kind of bigger benevolent thing…
So in my family, simplifying was beauty, nomadship noble and poverty nearly an art form, because if you could live happily with no collecting, that was a phenomenal win.
Even with my father, who did enjoy the finer things in life, seemed to place no intrinsic value in “stuff” itself, even in the contacts he made at high levels of government and academia. Instead the finer things like nice clothes and a comfortable home were merely trappings that positioned him where he could get things done. My dad’s motto: “make a contribution.” His behavior in later years meant he too needed to rely on the alms of others and organizations. Fortunately, they’ve held up for him.
In Conclusion: No Conclusion
I keep realizing, there is no “best” way or superior morality or behavior style, that’s a Judging person’s folly. We are all just hanging around with tendencies and proclivities trying to do the best we can within our own belief systems, making the kind of life we want to live. If we are lucky, we can share this journey with others with some helping, some tears, and even more absurdist humor. Others who care, or maybe just with others who might kinda’ understand us.
It’s all good….
FOOTNOTES & SUB-SUBTEXT 😉
- INFJ ↩︎
- Tao te Ching by Lao Tzu (short read pdf) ↩︎
