Becoming a mother has been a ride. I’ve learned to live with less sleep, half-baked plans that fall apart the other half of the time, and constant pings on my attention. My sense of “me” that used to be located solely in my own body, now includes roadways of awareness to my kids’ predictable needs— and unknown worldly experiences.
I sense more, worry more, and get pleasantly surprised more often. I marvel at them— their talents, temperaments and goals. I wonder: how do you guide a soul that has its own path?
I also wonder: when did I become a drill sargeant? Am I doing a good enough job? How much therapy will they need because of growing up now, with a mom like me?
I’ve also learned how to have faith in life— the messiness of it. How to ride along while reminding myself: you are resilient, so are they. How to let go of mistakes and crises and just carry on. How to continually say goodbye, as they launch every day into their own personhood. How to teach without lecturing, how to fail gracefully too.
I remember us deciding about whether or not to have kids, “who would willingly sign up for that hard job that never ends??” Then I remember us deciding “to just see what happens.”
It’s happening. And when I remember my childless, ambitious self, I don’t feel regret. I feel restful. I’m doing this thing, my kids are doing this thing, and none of us have to wind up on the cover of a magazine to matter.
Every mom matters. Every mom literally makes matter, as they usher in new life and provide a place for a unique soul to grow. It isn’t splashy all the time, sometimes it’s just taking out the trash so the house doesn’t smell bad.
Thank you to my mom today, who was a rapt listener, a kind empathic, a marveler in people, a student of archetypes and dreams, a visionary thinker, and tired.
I thank my grandmother, who was a quiet listener, a secret rebel, and a champion of my independence… and my smoking partner in crime.
I thank my honorary ‘moms’ who taught me how to navigate the world and make good things happen with flair and funk (you know who you are: PB, MK, JM, RM and BL).
I thank you for reading. Happy Mother’s Day.
From Facebook Post 5/14/2023
