I have been prone to depression, as have many of the women in my family. As are, no doubt, many others who are reading this.

I have also been prone to amazing dreams. Also great moments and painful empathy.

And inspired creative bursts.

And anxiety.

And healing words.

I learned from a great teacher¹, that periods of depression were times when women embodied Persephone². These are times when women go into the underworld, voluntarily, in order to usher gifts into the world upon her emergence. Persephone women being the darkest of spring-bringers.

The times underground were not aberrations, sickness or even problems. They were the result of Persephone’s strength, and her deep knowing that life cycles. The understanding that she has an important role in the new growth that emerges in spring and celebration that ensues. She is not a hostess of the party, she brings the light only because she lives the dark.

A Persephone woman chooses this role, even though she first seems abducted into it: Persephone chose to became Queen of the Underworld, even with the grief and intercession of her powerful parents.  Without her annual descent, growth would not happen. Life would not cycle. Hades would steal maidens above if he had no wife below. Her mother Demeter would perish, not just sob through the winter cold. Life would be out of balance..

I am like Persephone. Up above, sometimes, and also down below. And, because I live in a culture not deep with stories, I am also medicated. I do this, so I don’t go too deep for too long. So I can function on this sunny plane, with my feet and head seemingly above ground, making dinner, working. Yet Hades grabs at my heels, steals my dreamtime, and whispers my promise back to me that I am his. My routine emergence is quiet, because I appear never to descend. If I forget who I am, and I don’t return consciously, I don’t do my job. This is bad for everyone.

This is the trouble with trying to live always in the world of sun and doing-ness. But, for the sake of my children, I stay mostly above. The culture I live in does not tolerate a woman underground. Too powerful. Too frightening. Even if she can tolerate it just fine, and rise after. So, I go underground in other ways, do my job as one more Queen of the Dark, carrying artistic and surprise intentions by choice, emerging with something needed. I must feel the underworld, visit it, learn from it, even if I don’t lie in bed for days anymore. (Plus, it kind of sucks).

Like all women who know their descent matches their depth, I know I must still make the time, read the dreams, express what comes through, and handle life changes so that real spring may occur. It’s so desirable to skip this step, and pretend it is always spring, but my soul knows better.

Doesn’t yours?

 

¹ Caroline Casey, a notable astrologer gave a talk about this many moons ago. I heard it as a teenager and it has stuck with me since. I have paraphrased her original message, and no doubt colored her interpretation with my personal knowing as a woman.

² Persephone was a greek goddess, daughter of Demeter and Zeus, and was thought to be abducted, then tricked to marry Hades, God of the Underworld because of her great beauty. Because of grief of losing her daughter to Hades, Demeter made the earth fruitful only during the half of the year when Persephone was with her. Persephone descended every fall and winter to be with her husband.

This myth helped explain why there were seasons. I find it fascinating that the principals are her parents, yet it is her choice that seals her role as Queen of the Underworld.  She sinks and rises between the two planes gracefully.