I’ve noticed, ever since I’ve been responsible for humans other than myself, that I get sick every time I have the time to get sick.

A day off in bed with a puke bucket and bingey period pieces streaming toward me from a screen not built for bedroom TV.
Feeling chills and the desire to hide.
Curtains drawing during afternoon hours. Everyone is scared of me because of COVID. The ruse is welcome.

Maybe I just needed a break, and that’s what made me eat the fermenting pomegranate seeds that landed me here.
Maybe it’s that I’ve needed a break, a great purge and a deep rest for months already…

But had no time to get it, no balls to take it either.

I think this small sick got upon me because it could get upon me. I’m usually running to fast for it to catch up.

 

I wonder if I took time off from parenting, working, and giving a shit about other people if I’d just be dead. That’s a big rest and reset indeed.

 

EMM 1/5/2021