This is one of those posts I didn’t want to write. But this refrain keeps going through my head, so this is as good a way as any to exorcise it. They made their bed, let them lie in it.

See, there are key people in my life who have not taken care of themselves. I mean, really badly. Like dead-broke-may-go-homeless kind of crappy-ass self-care. They instead took excessive care of others (who often took advantage), avoided the struggle of self-preservation, and hung out in martyrdom a little too much. These folks are all pretty darn loving, they are great listeners and they generally don’t complain, but their frigging lives are falling apart, and I see it, and now I feel like I have to do something about it.

But I’m tired, and kind of angry they let this happen. After all, I didn’t.

I’ve been trying so hard to keep my own head aloft. Keeping an shaky-at-best equilibrium and efforting through this world so I don’t have to rely too much on others.  And this is where that refrain— this mean, nasty-assed, judgmental refrain — comes in:  let them lie in it.

And our (GOP-led) culture is steeped in this kind of sentiment now. Some are even trying to elevate this concept into law by killing off social programs and supports. Still more turn the harsh eye of judgement on those who “didn’t already get theirs” (like the poor), or who “don’t deserve or God would have favored them,” or some other ‘righteous-type’ thinking that formally stunts natural compassion. Well, if they let themselves fall, they should feel the consequences of it, right?

So this is precisely why I’m going to examine this idea. So what if my people are to blame for their plight? Then lying in the bed they made is kind of right… And it is the king of wrong.

I could let my loved ones lie in it— living the painful, frightenting train wreck— and I could feel… um… “justified” in ignoring their situation, carrying on, and closing my heart. Or, I can help them. Shoot. Didn’t I say I was tired?

When I think about what I value most. I value mercy. I value love. I value helping one another, even if the other person pretty much stuck themselves into the fray (despite my most fervent warnings. why TF didn’t they listen? Now we are all going down, aren’t we?)

I think I warned because I loved. I think I worry because I love. I try to keep myself afloat because I love. because I love.

So, they made their bed… and now I think I can help them make another.