There are a few things I’ve been saying to my family,  hoping they’ll see things I see as problems and make “us” feel better. No one has wanted to hear my terrible tone. This is my fault. I realize I have been stating problems, elaborating on negative trends and effects in our family – over and over – and not stating my positively-framed goals.*

Goals are not the opposite of problems. And communicating problems (even well) can be counter-productive in achieving positive outcomes.

After years of desiring, but not being that good at making them happen, at times I got louder and more frequent expressing my fears. My tone would become more arrogant, judgemental and angry. This is not good for relationships. So, I’m practicing letting go of my goals and carrying on as best I can. Still, I think it’s important for me to say once and for all, what I really want for my sweet little family gang. Because I love them and I still kind of think mama knows best. lol

Family Goal 1 ♥  We are awake, loving actors in the world, making a positive difference.

This means, we know what matters to us individually, and as a team, and we act on these things. We do this by organizing people and things, showing up for others, communicating love, and interacting with our community. We may do collective activities (like helping Bacca with her house, or volunteering in a soup kitchen), or individual projects (organizing friends for a life-affirming project, or clean up a beach, etc.)

Family Goal 2 ♥  We consistently choose self-care to increase our energy and well being.

This means, we embrace developing healthy habits like exercise, meditation, dance, walking, healthy diet, flossing, etc. We choose these things not to look better, but to demonstrate self-love, feel comfortable in our own skins, and to take care of the only vehicle we have in this world to accomplish Goal 1. We acknowledge that we are important to the people who love us, and so take care of ourselves for them too.

Family Goal 3 ♥  We have fun together outdoors. We have fun together in conversation. We have fun together in new adventures.

This means, we do new things together routinely, to learn together, and to make memories. This could mean we go to museums, take new hikes each week, travel, or simply have extended dinnertime conversations where we hear each other’s insights and stories. We can have true fun together, because we are developing our own authentic selves in tandem.

Family Goal 4 ♥  We make traditions and involve our elders in our daily lives.

This means, we have folks over for dinner, especially the grandmas who deeply enjoy it. It also means we savor our traditions like paper ring countdown to Christmas, saying grace before we eat, playing games, taking Winnie walks together and even necessary things like Saturday (with music!) chores.

Family Goal 5 ♥  We speak up for what we’d like to accomplish, instead of speaking for what we’d like to consume.

This is a mindset and practice. One where we identify what is important, and we ask other members of the family support our personal goals. I believe we would naturally all want to help each other. This does not include asking others to buy things, because when has owning something ever actually created long-term satisfaction? Doing things, learning things, creating things, and exerting personal energy makes us feel great and we can all support each other in this way. If we need more money to buy stuff, we can figure that out as individuals. We are all smart enough to prioritize consumption if we want it. There are no limits to what we can be and do.

Family Goal 6 ♥  We are life long learners, seeking truth.

The second part of this goal is the most important. Discerning truth may become more difficult in the days of unleashed media, algorithms and AI, so tasting for truth over entertainment will be critical to be able to achieve authentic goals, and your destiny. There are hypnotic lies all around, telling us we can lie around, buy around, and comment our way to a great life. It is not true. There are also forces who would like to move you, to do things that serve them – even bad things (think of Nazi Germany, Alt right, even soda companies). Truth means we must do hard things, physical things, and community things to be truly happy. We must learn, create and relate to feel good.

Family Goal 7 ♥  We sense the mystery of life, knowing there are benign forces that can help us in supernatural ways.

This is a choice, a belief, and scientific experiment that each person must to do for themselves. I do not want for any of us to blindly follow any religion or idea, but I do know God is real. It may be a belief, but it is also my knowing, and the word ‘God’ does not even do justice to the forces that have held me up at tough times in my life. It may even be our animal/physical nature that wields this indescribable power. Whatever it is, it has saved me from near-death more than once, and given me clarity and peace when I needed it. It has also helped me to help others. Some people call this “higher power,” some call it “intuition,” some call it “subconscious,” some call it “spirit,” some call it “good karma,” or even “good luck.” Call it what you will,  I hope we all can acknowledge this mysterious force as a family, and be open to the pouring of support that can fill our lives with joy and wonder. It’s a personal connection, so I won’t tell anyone how to connect, just that we each respect it, seek it, and appreciate it in others.

I’ll stop at this lucky 7. I think it covers the big ones for me. Everything else, like the features of our house or screens, what shoes we wear, or even which trips we take are all sub-subservient to these lucky 7. What would you add to the lucky 7 here? I’m open to hearing!

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*I say ‘my’ goals, because no single person can impose their goals on a group unless they agree or see their value. I know this. I also know moms in particular, often set the goals and tenor of the family, so worth stating them clearly.